nak tambah duit saku..?try nie

saya sekadar ingin berkongsi peluang baru ini.
hanya melalui E-MEL sahaja boleh dapat DUIT.
sila klik link ini http://www.emailduit.com/?a=20248  


Terima kasih.

Ikhlas;

ABC's of ex girlfriends

A 
is for Arteries.
You know, the things that your ex-girlfriend ripped out because she really didn't care for you you twit she was only after your money and could have given a shit about you.

B
is for Bitter. Who, me?? No way. I really hope things between them do work out. I hope they get married and have 2 children that are little devils and her hips get huge and his eyebrows finally grow completely together and they get fat and old together and then DIE!! 

C
is for Call ya later.She won't. She never has before. 

D
is for Dumped. Does D need to be explained? 

E
is for Eating like a pig. Remember when you took her out and she said "I'm not hungry" so you figured you could take her to a nice place because you were able to afford a nice meal at this fine restaurant. Then she ate more than your Uncle Roy (you remember Uncle Roy the one with the mustard stains on everything). So you flip the bill and are broke for the next two weeks and she wonders why you were unable to call her that week and go see movies. 

F
is for Friends. That is what she just wants to be. As if you can even stand to look at her. 

G
is for Gun. And yes there is a waiting period.

H
is for Horny. Remember when she looked nice and even had a personality? Well, you figure it out. 

I
stands for I still hate her. Odds are I always will, unless she calls me and offers me favors. 

J
stands for Jim. This is her new boyfriend. Doesn't Jim have a nice car ? Doesn't Jim have a good job? Why does Jim want to date her? I think Jim could do much better. I hate Jim. Jim is my mortal enemy. 

K
stands for Kill. 

L
is for Love. It's a great euphoric feeling that exists between two people and is shared upon by both parties. 

L
is also for Lunatic. Lunatics are crazy. Lunatics are the last people that actually believe in love. 

M
stands for Mephistophiles. That is who she worked for.

N
stands for Necropheliac. She didn't move very much, did she? 

O
is for On top. When on top she has another O word. 

P
is for Pill. She said she was on it. She lied. She is now sueing you for a few hundred bucks a month. 

Q 
is for Quitter. She couldn't last. 

R 
is for Rich little Bitch. She bought my love but I paid for it. 

S
stands for Suffer. That's what she made me do.

T 
is for torture. Torture is what she did. She tortured you with the truth. She also tortured you with lies. 

U
is for Understatement. Saying you hate that bitch is an understatement. 

V 
is for Voluptuous. That is the primamry reason you were dating her in the first place. 

W 
stands for Whine. She was a pro at this. 

X 
is for Xylophone. Because X is always for xylophone. 

Y 
stands for You suck! Remember when she yelled that at you. 

Z 
stands for ZIPPER. This is what you got your hair stuck in while trying to get dressed too quickly while she yelled "QUICK! They're home!"

.
stands for period. Which is a couple of weeks late, because she lied to you about taking what P stands for. It also means you won't get any for a week.

Computer terminology = BM vs BI…..Haru jadinya

Some computer terms translated to BM,

Don’t you think that computer terminology in Bahasa Malaysia is really weird?

Cakera Keras = Hard Disk 

Tetikus = Mouse 

Papan Kunci = Keyboard 

CD-ROM = Cakera Padat Ingatan Melalui Pembacaan (CP-IMP) – Isn’t that bit too much to ingat? Try pronouncing that without twisting your tongue or pausing to think. IMPs?

Monitor = What’s the term for this? KETUA DARJAH?

Modem = Could it be called “PEMPEND” <– PEModulasi, PENDemodulasi?

Motherboard = “Papan Ibu” probably? Maybe the best motherboards can be awarded the “Papan Ibu Mithali” then?

Sound Card = Kad Bunyi?

Sound Blaster = Peletup Bunyi?

Pipeline Burst Cache = Duite Garisan Paip Meletup?

Local Bus = Bas Tempatan? Sounds good to me.

VESA Local Bus = Bas Tempatan VESA?

Flatbed = Katil leper? OR Katil Rumah Pangsa (Flat)?

WWW = Sarang labah-labah Selebar Dunia (SSD)? Sounds quite convincing to me.

Then what would you call daughterboards? Papan anak perempuan? That sounds a little kinky for me  ) What about SIMMs and DIMMs and such…?

*laf* wonder what would you call ink jets then  Pancutan Dakwat???

What about “Plug and Play [tm]“?  Hmmm..Plug and play….Cucuk dan Main??? Somehow I think not.

Joystick = Batang Gembira or Batang Ria?? Damn obscene man!!

http://html.expresso.me/smileys

How To Make Woman Happy

It’s not difficult to make a woman happy. A man only needs to be:

1. a friend

2. a companion
3. a lover
4. a brother
5. a father
6. a master
7. a chef
8. an electrician
9. a carpenter
10. a plumber
11. a mechanic
12. a decorator
13. a stylist
14. a sexologist
15. a gynecologist
16. a psychologist
17. a pest exterminator
18. a psychiatrist
19. a healer
20. a good listener
21. an organizer
22. a good father
23. very clean
24. sympathetic
25. athletic
26. warm
27. attentive
28. gallant
29. intelligent
30. funny
31. creative
32. tender
33. strong
34. understanding
35. tolerant
36. prudent
37. ambitious
38. capable
39. courageous
40. determined
41. true
42. dependable
43. passionate
44. compassionate

WITHOUT FORGETTING TO:

45. give her compliments regularly
46. love shopping
47. be honest
48. be very rich
49. not stress her out
50. not look at other girls

AND AT THE SAME TIME, YOU MUST ALSO:

51. give her lots of attention, but expect little yourself
52. give her lots of time, especially time for herself
53. give her lots of space, never worrying about where she goes

IT IS VERY IMPORTANT:

54. Never to forget:

* birthdays
* anniversaries
* arrangements she makes

HOW TO MAKE A MAN HAPPY

1. Show up naked
2. Bring food

Baca selanjutnya: KahKahKah - Cerita Lawak - How To Make Woman Happy

KEPUTUSAN MALAYSIA VS INDONESIA SUKAN SEA 2011 KEPUTUSAN MALAYSIA VS INDONESIA SUKAN SEA 2011

Malaysia berjaya menewaskan pasukan Indonesia 1-0 sekaligus menjadi juara bagi Kumpulan A dalam aksi temasya Sukan SEA yang ke-26.

Gol Malaysia dijaringkan oleh gerakan solo yang menarik oleh Syahrul Azhuari pada minit yang ke 23.

SORRY PLEZ TRY LATTER

Sayang : Abg lepas ni kita putus..abg curang ngan syg...
Abang :Bila abg curang..??? mana bukti..???
Sayang :Abg jgn tipu lagi, abg ckp ada meting tpi abg gi dating..
Abang :Ya rabbi... bila..???
Sayang :npa tdi syg kol abg ada pompuann lain jawab..??? blagak ckp omputeh ngn syg..
Abang :apa dia ckp..???
Sayang :SORRY PLEZ TRY LATTER
Abang : Aku terajang kau kang , sebulan ko makan gune kaki !!!!!

xboleh paswodnya..

kasim : weh wan, aku nk pnjm laptop ko leh x..,
wan : pakai aa.. nuh ade atas meja
kasim : wan, ape pswod laptop ko neh?,
wan : tak boleh
kasim : cpat la woi..bgtau aa paswod laptop nie..
... wan : aku kta tak boleh, tak boleh la..
kasim : kdkot siot ko neh..
wan : eh kasim, ko nk g mn? td kata na pjm laptop??
kasim : dh ko xbg paswod cmne aku na pakai..(jeling)
kasim : weh wan, aku nk pnjm laptop ko leh x..,
wan : pakai aa.. nuh ade atas meja
kasim : wan, ape pswod laptop ko neh?,
wan : tak boleh
kasim : cpat la woi..bgtau aa paswod laptop nie..
... wan : aku kta tak boleh, tak boleh la..
kasim : kdkot siot ko neh..
wan : eh kasim, ko nk g mn? td kata na pjm laptop??
kasim : dh ko xbg paswod cmne aku na pakai..(jeling)
wan : laa...kan aku da kata...TAK BOLEH.. itula paswodnye. =="

Cerita Lawak Pendek

Man: Bapa aku hebat. Dia polis. Semua orang takut ngan dia. 
Ali: Eleh, bapa aku lagi terer. Kalau dia suruh orang tunduk, mesti orang tu tunduk. 
Man: Wow! Bapa kau keja apa? 
Ali: Tukang gunting rambut. 

Bahasa Inggeris 

Ayah: Apasal B.I kamu nie asyik dapat kosong jer...! Apasal hah? 
Anak: Eh, ayah! Tu bukan kosong. Tadi cikgu adik dah kasi bintang banyak kat bebudak lain. Ada dapat 5 bintang la, 4 bintang la. Bila giliran adik jer, bintang dah abis. Sebab tu cikgu bagi kat adik bulan. 

Sudu 

Doktor: Encik kena ambil 3 sudu ubat ni setiap hari. 
Pesakit: Eh! tak boleh la doktor. 
Doktor: Kenapa? 
Pesakit: Rumah saya ada dua sudu jer. 

Mayat 

Cikgu: Hasan,sambungkan 2 ayat ini menjadi satu. 'Ali menaiki basikal ke sekolah. Ali ternampak mayat.' 
Hasan: Ali ternampak mayat menaiki basikal ke sekolah. 

Tiru 

Cikgu: Encik,anak awak didapati meniru Ali dalam exam. 
Bapa: Apa bukti awak? 
Cikgu: Encik tengok soalan nombor 4 nie. Siapakah menemui Pulau Pinang? Seman tulis "Saya tak tahu"dan anak encik tulis "Kalau engkau tak tahu, aku lagi la tak tahu". 

Makan 

cA: dari pagi tadi aku makan tak kenyang2 je? 
cB: kau makan ape? 
cA: makan angin...............................

Tukang jual

Pembeli: "Dik, telur sekilo berapa?"

Penjual: "Telur ayam atau telur itik?"

Pembeli: "Telur ayam."

Penjual: "Telur ayam biasa atau ayam kampung?"

Pembeli: "Ayam biasa."

Penjual: "Yang tempatan atau yang import?"

Pembeli: "Yang tempatan."

Penjual: "Yang tempatannya mahu yang dari Ipoh, Kuala Selangor 
atau Tampin?

Pembeli: "Yang Ipoh lah..." (Sambil terlihat kesal).

Penjual: "Mahu yang Ipoh Pusat, Barat, Timur, Utara, atau Selatan?"

Pembeli: "Adik nie jual telur atau nak jalan-jalan?"

Penjual: "Maaf kak, saya penjual mee rebus kat sebelah. Kebetulan 
yang jual telur pergi makan. Saya disuruh berbual dulu dengan pembeli sampai dia datang.

SAYANG TIDAK BERTAMBAH TUA DI BAHAGIAN ATAS. SAYANG CUMA BERTAMBAH CANTIK DI BAHAGIAN BAWAH.

Seorang lelaki telah pergi ke sebuah kedai kek untuk memesan sebiji
kek sempena hari jadi isterinya. "Apa yang hendak ditulis pada kek
ulang tahun ini, encik?" tanya si gadis manis yang bertugas di
kaunter kepada lelaki itu."Mmmm, tulis saja "Sayang tidak bertambah
tua" di bahagian atas, kemudian sambung dengan "Sayang cuma bertambah
cantik" di bahagian bawah," kata lelaki itu.

Esoknya, lelaki itu datang mengambil kek yang ditempahnya itu dan
terus membawa pulang ke rumah untuk dipersembahkan kepada isterinya
yang tersayang di hadapan tetamu-tetamu yang lain. Dan ketika kek itu
dibuka di depan isteri dan tetamu undangan yang lain, lelaki itu
setengah pengsan ketika membaca tulisan yang tertera di kek itu:

Pinjaman PTPTN: Pinjaman Perbelanjaan Pelajar IPTA Dihapuskan & Yuran Pengajian KEKAL ?

Konsep dah meminjam, selepas meminjam wajib membayarnya. Sekarang ini akibat hutang dari pemberian pinjaman PTPTN dikatakan dah tak tertanggung, sudah ada timbulnya cadangan pemberian pinjaman perbelanjaan PTPTN dihapuskan.

kongsi bra dengan bf.

Tahukah anda, bra awekz anda boleh dijadikan penapis udara? Dan yang paling menariknya boleh dikongsi bersama! Barulah romantik.. Tapi itu hanya kalau awek korang pakai bra jenis Emergency Bra la. 

Dr. Elena Bodnar, inventor of the Emergency Bra, demonstrates how to deploy it on a suitably docile theoretical physicist. Recorded March 11 2010 at the Martin Wood Lecture Theatre, Oxford University during the IgNobel UK Tour 2010.